I’ve been involve with different kind of girls before…I don’t remember the pains that I felt during those failed relationships…I might have forgotten them coz I’ve been inlove for almost 7 years w/my long time gf. But last night, I felt like my heart has been ripped apart…I felt like my chest is being emptied,like I cant breathe..I felt the worst feeling I have ever felt…
I thought she’s better that…After all the things that we’ve been through…after all the laughters that we shared…After all the problems that we shared…Everything is gone now…She just threw them away in just a blink of an eye…I cant believe it…
The first time we were introduced to each other was in our company vehicle..It was brown out back then…
Then I continue to pursue her,I tried to be friends w/her..nagawa ko yun…Araw araw ko syang kausap sa mail ng office…I remember nung di pa nya ko kilala pero crush ko na sya…Nagpapalate ako sa shuttle para lng makita o makasabay cia…Then I invite her in our first lunchout ever…She accepted it,I felt nervous at first but Im so excited and so happy that time…Sa chowking pa yun I remember..I cant explain the feeling of walking beside the girl that I admire since the first time I saw her…Then she introduced me in her world..She loves to play arcade…I learned to do the things I have never done before..I have no interest in playing arcade games before…But because of her,I fall inlove in spending my vacant times in arcades..We used to play together..She used to beat me in basketball..Shes so good in getting stufftoys, I remember the first ever stufftoy I got is a monkey,that was special coz its my first tym ever to get a stufftoy,and of course I gave it to her…Nilagay nya sa handbag nya na nakalabas ang ulo,which make us both laugh..Sabi nya,isa rw yun sa mga main attraction ng collection nya,since first ko yun…And we continue to do that..almost everyday…I remember 1 time,Im going back home,it was Friday…nangulit ako sa knya to watch movie..our first ever..shes hesitant at first,pero pumayag rin cia..inabot kmi ng mga 12am ata..hindi na ako umuwi..sa dorm na ko nagpalipas ng gabi…I felt like she can light up my world everytime im with her..lalo na at malayo sakin ang gf ko… nagstart na rin kaming umuwi tuwing Friday na magkasabay..sa van kami unang nagkasabay umuwi..I don’t know if I can hold her or what…But that’s the time I felt sumthing different..she initiated leaning her head towards my shoulder..She laughs at me coz Im small and its not so comfortable…But then I adjusted…And that was the start…Everytime im with her and were alone.Il hold her hand..Ill
She said, cguro ok lang cia khit ganon yung bf nya sa knya kasi andun raw ako..kasi nandun ako para pasayahin cia..Lagi ko cia dinadalhan ng pagkain…And she does that too..she made my favorite fruit salad..She said,never ko pang ginawa nyan ang bf ko…It makes me realize that im special for her,and that shes so special to me to..NAging constant partner kami sa simbang gabi..we woke up 3:30am to go to church…we eat taho together..I love it when evrytime na gigising kmi ng 3:30,pag nagsalubong kmi sa hagdan,the first thing na gagawin nya is iaabot nya sakin yung key sa kwarto nya para ipahawak muna sakin…Then she wished..and I wished that sana
I even sleep w/her in her rum,that was the sleep that I never wanted to end,coz im w/the girl that I love but I just cant have… I remember 1 time,on the rocks sila ng bf nya,pero cia yung naghahabol that time kaya kita ko sa mga mata nya yung lungkot,pero im always there for her,never ko ciang iniwan…Nagtxt cia skin na magkikita dw clan g bf nya..shes so excited,feeling na baka sa wakas maayos na yung problema nila,I remember nagpagupit pa kmi ng sabay the night before that,nagpic dn kmi nun..pic. b4 and after the haircut..Nagkulot pa cia nung magkikita cla,nagcontacts,nagpaganda tlaga cia,then nagkita kmi before cia umalis,I said gudluck…she looks beautiful that day…Then pagdating ng mga 6pm I receive a txt from her… Inom tau!... Nung nabasa ko pa lng yun I know something went wrong,I asked kung nasan cia pero she replied wag na lng pla,gsto rw nya mag-isa…I was asleep nung mga oras na yun pero bcoz shes special to me,naligo agad ako…Alam ko kung san ko cia pupuntahan,sa lugar kung san kmi nag uunwind..sa arcade… I brought two ice crambles,pampalamig ng ulo nya,pero wala pa cia dun pagdating ko,umikot ako ng umikot dala dala sa 2 kamay ko ang ice scrambles..then I saw her..She asked bakit alam ko kung nasan cia?...Deep inside me,alam ko kasi nararamdaman kita… After we play,uminom kmi,tig 2 bottles lng,she never cried pero alm kong gsto nya maglabas ng sama ng loob…After nun nag starbucks kmi…Tawa cia ng tawa kasi simon ang pangalan na narinig skin ng kahera..ang pula pula pa nmn ng muka ko nun kc allergy ako sa alak…mag 12 na rin nung natapos kmi,me pic kami dun kc dala nya yung camera,walking papuntang sakayan ng tryk,she hold into my arms…ang sarap..she said hndi dw cia ok… :’( That time I felt her pain…
Pagsakay naming sa tryk kulitan pa rin kami..taz nung malapit na kmi..she hug me tight…Then I smile,why?..because I know I did my part,to relieve her pain even just for a while… Constant kmi magkachat at nagpupuyatan..inaabot kmi ng 2:30 ng madaling araw magkausap at nagkukulitan…naglalaro rin kami ng poker lagi sa fb…Minsan pag wala yung broadband nya pinapahiram ko yung sakin para ako yung coconect sa knya..kahit pa 1am in the morning lalabas ako para iabot yun sa knya…Dati binilhan ko cia ng chocolate pagdating ko ng rum,nagtxt cia…Il try to put sumthing in the kitchen,u try to find it…Hinanap ko sa kitchen,nakita ko sa taas ng ref,cute na stufftoy ng enchanted kingdom…ang dami ko na rin tuloy stufftoys sa kwrto,lahat yun galing sa knya,kasi kinukuha ko lng pag cia nakakuha,minsan magbabalita cia skin na naglaro cia taz hihingin ko yung nakuha nya,ibibigay nmn nya sakin… Madalas kming maggrocery magkasama,sa mga time nay un halos malimutan kong me gf ako,ewan ko,pero feeling ko pansamantala nalimutan dn nya na my bf cia,kasi on d rocks nmn cla…One night nung pinaramdam ko sa gf ko na me problema ako,I was crying,I never thought na kya ko cia igive-up para sa bgong taong nagpapasaya sakin,me usapan kmi that night na magkikita kmi,pero d irw sya sure kc my lakad din cla,sabi ko ill w8… Nakipagbreak ako sag f ko that night,Im expecting her to come pero ang nareciv kong txt sa knya,gsto muna nya gawing busy ang sarili nya for a while..I don’t have any idea..Ang nasa isip ko nun,bakit wala cia nung kelangan ko cia…Nagdecide akong magpunta sa church,my gf is pleading na wag ako sumuko,na maaayos pa nmin kung ano man yung problema,shes crying and so am I. Pag-uwi ko,wala akong narereciv na txt from her,nagtampo na rin ako kasi during my lowest moment,wala cia.. Then nagtxt cia..Wala na rw ciang reason para ipagpatuloy pa ang simbang gabi na binubuo nmin,kasi hndi na rin nmn dw matutupad yung wish nya,to spend more years w/her bf,nakipagbreak kc sa knya…Sa mga text nya alam ko shes crying..Pinuntahan ko sya sa kwrto nya kahit ayaw nya,then I saw her,pugtong pugto ang mata taz iyak ng iyak..I hug her pero she resist,ayaw rw nyang Makita ko cia in that situation…Pagbalik ko ng rum,I text her na we are in the same situation..Cnbi ko na sana
Pero dumating yung time na natauhan ata yung bf nya,nagging baligtad na yung situation nila,yung bf na nya ang naghahabol this time,and inamin nya sakin na mahal n mahal nya yung bf nya..Naging ok ulit cla,sabi nya sakin,marami dw cia mamimiss,yung mga ginagawa nming kakulitan..cguro dw mababawasan na yung mga get together nmin,kasi ciempre kelangan nyang iprioritze yung bf nya..That makes me sad,so sad…Sabi ko nahihirapan ako,sabi nya cguro we need space..we gave each other space,pero wala pa atang 3 days,may nareciv na kong mail from her,kinwento nya kung pano cia walang ganang magwork kc hndi ako nagmemail,na naiisip nya na bka rw sinundan ko cia pero wala nmn…na humingi cia ng sign and nakita nya ko… Hndi nagwork ang space,kc hndi kmi makatiis,lalo na ako kung alam lang nya…Before mag xmas vacation,hndi ko naibigay ng personal sa knya yung painting..iniwan ko n lng sa kwrto nya,inayos ko pa yung mga stufftoys nya na parang me meeting de avance…nxt wik pa nya nakita.naapreciate nmn nya yung gft,pero hndi ko maxdo nafeel na nagstuhan tlaga nya,I wonder nga kung san nya tinago yun eh,kala ko kasi ididisplay nya pero mukang hndi nmn…Long vacation,mas mahaba kasi namasyal pa cla ng mga friends nya for 1 wik…Nung nagkita kami,I gave her the best gift I have ever given…She named her akemi,Akemi will be the remembrance na may dumaan sa buhay nya na sobra nyang napasaya…She said it’s the best gift ever na natanggap nya…kaya ang sarap ng feeling…
Binibilihan nmin c akemi ng milk nya,ng food nya,we talk so much about her..pero after 2 wiks…
Nabawasan yung mails nya…bihira na cia magtxt…
1 tym I w8td for her pero di nya tinanggap yung invitation ko na magdinner…I don’t know what happened,she just changed…Sana man lang nasabi nya sakin kung bakit..sana
Kaninang umaga,kinapalan ko na ang muka ko na makisabay sa kanya sa shuttle,like we always do before,but her aura is different..she looks mad ang don’t want to talk…Wala akong pakialam..this might be the last time na makatabi ko cia kaya nakatitig lang ako sa knya..kahit magmuka akong tanga…
I fell inlove w/her…That’s a fact..I still do…I don’t know if this pain will go away..Shes ignoring me like she don’t know me at all…Ang sakit sakit….
The next time ill update this blog is after valentines day..I will do my last move that day..Im hoping I can get her back..Ill give the space she seemed wanted to have right now…Kahit na masakit..kahit na hndi ako patulugin ng ayos…Titiisin ko na lang ang sakit..Kasi mahal ko sya,,,mahal n mahal ko cia….
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